title: I'm not gonna wait for you, anymore. How can I put it, you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song Yeah, yeah, since you been gone How come I'd never hear you say I just wanna be with you Guess you never felt that way But since you been gone I can breathe for the first time I'm so movin' on, yeah, yeah Thanks to you, now I get, I get what I want Since you been gone You had your chance, you blew it Out of sight, out of mind Shut your mouth, I just can't take it Again and again and again and again -xx- Few extraordinary things that happened in New Zealand (rambling @ the top of my head):
I can't think of anymore right now :( I won't post any pictures here, too tired... Go see them on Facebook! :) Toodles, I'm leaving tonight, midnight flight!!! Whoo so exciting, I'm gonna hug a lion. |
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title: That day, I was daring. Guess this means youre sorry
Youre standing at my door Guess this means you take back All you said before Like how much you wanted Anyone but me Said youd never come back But here you are again Cause we belong together now Forever united here somehow You got a piece of me And honestly My life would suck without you Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye Maybe I was wrong for tryin to pick a fight I know that Ive got issues But youre pretty messed up too Either way, I found out Im nothing without you Cause we belong together now Forever united here somehow You got a piece of me And honestly My life would suck without you Being with you is so dysfunctional I really shouldnt miss you But I cant let you go Cause we belong together now Forever united here somehow You got a piece of me And honestly My life would suck without you Cause we belong together now Forever united here somehow You got a piece of me And honestly My life would suck without you -xx- I CAN DRIVE!!! :D If you think driving an automatic car is easy, think again. I have a video!!! Maybe I will upload it sometime, please mute before you play it: you might hear Paige screaming "I am going to die!" unneccessarily in the background. I MISS THEM ALREADY :'( Gotta go, will blog about New Zealand sometime! :D |
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title: I. KISSED. A. GUY.
A New Zealander. I am in love. HE WAS SO AWESOME. THE KISS WAS AMAZING OMG BREATHTAKING OMG I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DESCRIBE IT. It just comes naturally. We were at a dance, a high school dance. Girls high + Boys high. People have sex on walls. Teachers are there, but nobody gives a shit. We were dancing in a circle. This guy came up to me and whacked my ass (stupid gross asshole) and Sasha went, Fuck off Bastard! IT WAS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahhaha okay she has got loads of exes. And anyway, my kisser came up to me during the song Party in the USA (this is so my favourite song right now), he came up UNEXPECTEDLY, like bumppppp and I'm outta the circle, on another part of the dance floor, in his arms. I know I was smiling like a stupid idiot because he was SOOOOOO HOTTTT SOOOOOO TALLLLL SOOO FREAKINGGG OMGG GORGEOUSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Better than Michael Moscovitz. Seriously. And he was like singing that line: it's a party in the USA while tossing his head back and smiling at me. Then he twirled me around, and while i landed in his arms, HE KISSED MEEEEEEE HE KISSED MEEEEEEE HE KISSEDDDDD MEEEEEEEEEEEEE. OMG I was on cloud nine, I was like, Mary Poppins, I was like, an orphaned girl who found her long lost parents, I was... SO SO SO HAPPY. Like, so so happy. I didn't even know his name!!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE KISSEDDD MEE!!! OKay. Honestly. I expected it and I wanted it to happen. Everyone was asking me if I was going to the dance when I said yes, they were like, OMG NOOOOO PAIGE YOU CAN'T BRING HER YOU'LL STEAL HER FIRST KISS!!! Rosie was all, aren't you afraid of the idea of the dance??? So anyway after i kissed him, i was completely sucked out and smiled at the air like some dummy while Alice was all, "OMG BERNICE ARE YOU OKAY??????? DID HE HURT YOU????" Paige was like, "she is ASIAN, NOT FOUR". hahhahahahah okay so he is really really hot 'cos Maddie and Alice were like, "Where the hell did she get such a guy?!" And there was this Chinese guy. He was dancing with Paige while giving me sideway glances and a really flirtatious smile. I ignored it because he wasnt drop dead gorgeous hot, he was just, cute, with realllyyy strong arms, six pacs but he was TOP LESS and so not my type. Then he kept on coming closer and closer until he was BESIDE ME. I was going to tell him to piss off and he said, "Oh I see... You don't wanna dance with me" THEN I GOT PISSED. I have no idea why, but I was like, sod it, and I OMG OMG OMG SEXY DANCEDDDDD IN FRONT OF HIM!!!!! I swear this is entirely true, or not I'll die or something. The music was, oh I forgot what it was ahhh and anyway, my back was to his front while my body (definitely uncontrolled) was making reallyyy sexy waves ahhh!!! His arms was on my waist while I was going faster and faster 'cos I really did not like his arm on my waist and he couldn't keep up HAHA loser!!! THEN HE TURNED ME AROUNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. And my hand BRUSHED HIS ARMPIT HAIR OMGGG IT WAS 100000000000X GROSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although everyone was like, come on bernice guys that don't have armpit hair are gay. BUT STILL!! AHHH!!! HE WAS TOP LESS HE WAS TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL HIS SWEATY BODY EWWWWWW. Then he asked my name, he said he was Kevin. And I gave him a handshake (he tried to hug thank heavens i backed off) then left!!! AND I WAS EEEEEEK!!! OKay paige wants to use the comp i gotta go. I MISS MY FAMILYYYYYYYY :'(((( I've been crying my eyeballs out. And it's all my mum's fault. And I am running short of cash... I MISS HIM HE IS MY TRUE LOVEEEEEE I MISSSSS THAT HOT GUYYYYYYYYYYYYY |
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title: GOODBYE SINGAPORE :'( I am ADDICTED to Sonny With a Chance. And I am leaving Singapore tomorrow. I feel scared, worried but yet super duper excited. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, I can't stop it from happening, I am scared of thrills, yet I still want to feel the exhilaration. This blog is gonna be dead for 3 weeks. Toodles :) |
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title: I'm trying to let you go I throw all of your stuff away
then I clear you out of my head I tear you out of my heart and ignore all your messages I tell everyone we are through cause I'm so much better without you but its just another pretty lie cause I break down everytime you come around You never know what you want and you never say what you mean but I start to go insane everytime that you look at me you only hear half of what i say and your always showing up too late and I know that I should say goodbye but its no use can't be with or without you -xx- I don't know why I keep on lying to you, I don't know why I can't bear to see you with someone else. I don't know why I keep thinking of you. This is so insane I feel like smashing my phone. They say feelings die off, they slowly fade away. They're all liars, it's been so long, why does this feeling still linger? I always tell myself I'm getting over you, but every question still has you in. I say I'm fine, but I never think about you though you're always on my mind. P.S. HE added me on msn! -xx- To my best friend in the whole wide world: Don't be sad anymore, I love you and you are my pretty sunshine. You are everyone else's, too! Look around you, how many people care about you - family, friends, even guys that do so much as pass by you probably has this huge crush on you, you know those like, I-saw-you-once-and-instantly-I-knew-you're-the-one kind of thing. :) I love the bees (heard you're a bee ;)), I love the daffodils, I like the mountains, I like the orange (favourite colour :D) hills, I love my Natalie, you'll never walk alone. Life is all about obstacles. Be strong!!!!!! I know you are!!! <33333333333 You're my darling bao bei, you're a hpy to some people, you're the bees to some flowers, you're the leader in npcc! You lead people with your joy, you make people love you, and it's okay, things, feelings like this really goes away! (Only affairs of the heart don't, sadly, haha!) I love you, okay! You've gone through it before, I know you can, again! Trust me, you're not the only one that has to go through these kind of things, everybody has!!! Just that they try to hide it and "be cool", but you don't!!! See how many people care for you, 我爱你！ 因为有你，世界就有声有色、完美、充满乐趣。你是大家的最爱，大家的宝贝，你善良，有魅力，而非常美丽！！！加油，千万不能放弃哦！ Pardon my chinese, bestie >< I'm really 班门弄斧-ing!!! -xx- MALACCA WAS AWESOME AND I LOVE 209'09!!! Tired to post about it, if you want to read, go weiyu's blog she has a very extremely detailed version of Malacca's trip :) Just a few things I wanna say:
-xx- OMG! NZ's in like, 4 days :O I feel like fainting... 3 weeks w/o family & friends in Singapore! :( What if I cry man... Haha I have not started packing, shixzxzxzx and I still got loads of things to buy!!! I went to buy a super expensive winter jacket that I actually have, it' just a different design. And I fought with my whole family because they didn't allow me to buy it at first. I think I need to learn to be thrifty... :( I am really making my parents hard earned money to go waste!!! Although the jacket reallyyyyy looksss damnnn fabulousss!!! I wanna watch 2012! But my dad wants to watch the dunnowhat ninja thing. I hope I win the 2012 one!!! 'cos anyway since I'm leaving (boohoo) he should let me choose. And my mum wants 2012 too! I wanna watch Love Happens before it runs out!!! :O O.M.G. what am i babbling about... I just hope Nat feels better because I am feeling sad for her too :( This is just nonsense you can stop reading now... I feel so sad nobody tags here anymoreee :( I really like Boys Like Girls. P.P.S. Although he may not be that shuai I think I'm looking forward to talk to him OMG THERE IS SERIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME!!! Byebye people! This will probably be the last post before I leave... I WANT TO KISS MY FLOOR GOODBYEEE... 3 weeks, OHMYGOOSE!!! |
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title: Yesterday, ♥ Well we got so much in store
tell me what is it im reaching for when were through building memories ill hold yesterday in my heart in my heart. they can take tomorrow and the plans we made they can take the music that we never play all the broken dreams take everything just take it away, but they can never have yesterday they can take the future that we'll never know they can take the places that we said we will go all the broken dreams take everything just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. -xx- 209'2009, we had so much troubles, so much fight between us to get the best. People once said, shouldn't 209 be bonded, after all we all have something in common: Music. Shouldn't we? I heard others saying that on their last day of school, everyone was cheering - they were happy, ecstatic, that school has ended and that they won't see each other again. What about us - people were crying, people felt heartbreaks, there were people leading the way, to cheer one last time for 209. And I think we don't have to compare with the other classes, we don't have to see their exterior of love portrayed, because we know that deep down, many people feel the same way. And maybe, like Ji Laoshi said, because we learn music, we aren't that open to share our love and let our voices be heard. The most important thing is: We know that we care. The last day of school was fantastic, it ended better than I thought it would. I thought it would be like any other normal school day, but it wasn't. I think the post-exam activities made us more bonded, regardless of anything else. They always say that the more fights in a relationship, the stronger the bond. Maybe that really works for us. Drama fest'09 played an important role in making us feel as one, too!! I remember this person, who never really talked to me, came up and high-fived me when we got into the finals. The look on her face, depicted from the love for our class, allowed happiness to implode into my mind. So what if we didn't win, we don't need a freaking paper to remind us of the hard work we put in. What we need is the memories, because a paper can be destroyed, but our memories are able to stay, etched indelibly in our minds. Although we had many ups and downs, I'm proud to say that I'm from TWO ZERO NINE. And I don't need all of us to be a legacy, I just want our smiles to brighten up walkways when we pass each other, the simple "hello, how are you?" will do, in fact it will be fantastic. When we win prizes for our class, 209, we cheer, scream and holler. Why? It is not only because we feel proud that we're in the class with the ability to win awards, it is not only because we are trying to paint a picture of us being enthusiastic, overpowering the rest. It is because we know that each and every one of the 209-ians played roles, however significant of insignificant, to achieve this standard that bonds us together, that makes us the incredible 209'2009♥, that enable us to feel as one, and that is what that creates a wonderful picturesque of memory that nobody, but us, can capture. They can take away our future, but they can never, ever, get hold of our yesterday. -xx- PSL WAS FUN :D xyzomg! We totally had a huge bitching session and everyone got so excited listening to me talk. Although most of the time I was exaggerating, they thoroughly enjoyed it! WE SO HAVE TO HAVE A BITCH @ THE BEACH OUTINGGGGGG!!! I love PSL♥!! It's the L-O-V-E baby. Eunice & I had a fantastic time tricking them with our lame games until Cheryl Choo was so freaking pissed she went to tell everybody who played, REMEMBER IT'S BERNICE GOH WHO CAME UP WITH THIS, THIS IS BERNICE GOH'S JOKE. HAHAHA! -xx- I'll miss the lame The Cool. I really will. :( It's been awesome with you guys, your lame jokes really spiked up my day!!! During LA lessons, especially, when we all sit with each other. Even when serious gigantic problems cropped up, we'll still be all, it's okay and will even cover it with many jokes to brighten up the atmosphere. I LOVE THAT!!! And although I'm always the helper, Fatimah, I still loved everything ♥!! I MISS YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLXYZ. & can you believe it, I still don't know what I'm gonna take next year. Should I take that option?? I am so indecisive. Malacca is gonna be awesome, and I will not let anything get in the way of it being one of my best memories, in that invisible 209'2009 album we keep in our hearts. I'LL MISSSSSSSS YOU ALLL DARLINGS!!! :'( |
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title: A Photogenic Life Why are we always trying to pose for the best posture for the camera, when we know that we can never change reality?
Why do we always thank the cashier who passes us our change in the supermarket, the taxi driver who provided us a route to quick journey, and yet always forgetting to thank the person who is always next to us, waiting for our acknowledgements? Maybe it's not how the world looks at you, but how you look at the world. -xx- We watched "The Sixth Sense". Everyone, except Chew Ling, had watched it before, but after Chew Ling insisted on watching this award-winning movie, we chartered to her request and before the start of the film, we began to give spoilers. An hour later, at eleven, my father came back, his tie rounding his neck like a scarf. He almost thought that he had gotten into the wrong house until he saw me sitting between Pat and Sian Min. "Wow, a gathering. Nice." he said and locked the door. "Let me see." he started to count us with his finger. "Seven of you. My car can only sit four, but if you don't mind squeezing and if you don't mind me speeding away from the Traffic Police, stay till as long as you want. I'm not sleeping tonight as there's a UEFA Champions League match, so I can fetch you teenagers home." He moved towards Chew Ling and tapped her head like a little girl. "You're so small, I think you can fit into the boot. Which primary school are you in?" Chew Ling smiled at my father and thanked him. When he was in the bathroom, Chew Ling crawled towards me and said, "Your father is a good man." I just nodded, dismissed what she commented as polite. Chew Ling draped her elbow beside me and muttered, "The UEFA Champions League ended last month. There's no English Premier League match, or any Spanish La Lagi match tonight. Basically, there's not a single football match tonight. Maybe softball or netball, but definitely no soccer." Many things we do are unconsciously supported by our parents, no matter how insignificant their contribution is, they are the ones that are constantly shaping our lives to ensure that we do not live a life full of regrets, to enhance the joy we have in living a non-perfect, however blissful life that keeps the smile on our face, not plastered, not glued, but as though it's a part of our facial features. -xx- "I cannot laugh." "Why?" "When I was in Primary Three, I laughed and went to the hospital. I thought it was just asthma then. Then, a few days later, I laughed and felt breathless again. In the end, I tried not to laugh. My mother was very sad. She said, 'how can a person not laugh in her life?'. I told her it can be done. "I told her I cannot laugh,but I can smile. So I keep on smiling. My Primary School classmates all called me 'Smiley Face'." ~~~ I could no longer hold them. I shut my eyes, tight, and waterfalls of salty, hot tears seeped down my eyes. My nose turned watery and the moment I opened my eyes, the world blurred up, blinding my vision. It was better that way, I didn't have to see Chew Ling's grinning million-dollar smile that plunged a knife deep into my heart. "I've got bad news." When Mr. Chou said the next sentence, a rush of cold blood imploded in my heart, then flowed its way crushingly into my head and the image in my mind was just a small little girl with two plates of chicken rice in front of her. The whole class gasped and then those who had been holding their tears gave up their fight. "Tan Chew Ling passed away this morning at 1.55a.m. due to massive hemoptysis." ~~~ "I'm so likeable, everyone's gonna cry when I die! Tell you what, Linda, let's make a bet. If more than a hundred people cry when I die, I win. If less than a hundred people cry when I die, you win. You cool with it? Then again, you can't see me die because I think I'll outlive you!" ~~~ I slotted my hand into my bag and felt the perfect photo of the digitally modified pimple-less Chew Ling that I had printed. Just yesterday, before I went to sleep, I had mentally rehearsed what I wanted to say to Chew Ling today: I will go up to her, take out the photo inside my bag, pass it to her and then say, "Hey, thank you. You don't know what a great help you have been to me. Knowing you..." ... was the best thing to occur in my life. Thank you. -xx- It's been ages since I last cried during, finishing the book and even after the book has been closed. Shedding tears for something that's merely fiction does not simply reflect on how well the author has managed to portray a vivid picture of particular characters, instead it shows how you, as a reader, reflects on your actions and relates them to the protagonist or antagonist that made you feel the way you're feeling. Jodi Picoults don't make you cry. They don't have the ability. What we need is the everyday novels, the stories told my our local writers, because they know how we think that the world revolves around us, because they feel the way we do, because they comprehend the way we ogle at branded materials. Simply because, we care about how the world looks at us, we yearn for recognition, we grasp for the highest position that all regards. But, it takes time to realise that the real winner of the day isn't the award-winning artiste who achieves all the awards, stealing the spotlight. Instead, the true winner is the person who knows that contentment in life is what is important, and she is the one who has support, not as many as the high-achiever, but from people that are more worthwhile, from people that wishes her all the best from the bottom of their hearts. |
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