I've been waiting and staring,
being innocent for probably a decade.
In the long run I've always wanted you to be here.

To be with me, clutching my hand as though I'm the only one in the world,
to be together as one
and laughing heartily with your silly jokes.

Seeing others with their happiness,
makes me look down at my empty heart.
Songs have you constantly ringing in my mind,
emails about you are yet so true.
Why do I keep on palpitating when you set your eyes on me,
it just ain't right.
I should stop deceiving myself and get a life with someone else.
But yet still you're ringing in my mind and I re-read our memories,
as though they're a written book in my heart.

It's time I stopped dreaming,
and made something happen.
It's just that, I'm not going to take the first move.

I want a boyfriend, damnit.

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Everyone's commenting that my previous post, titled "The Special Someone", is hilarious.
I was scanning through it and going, "Wow, what a detailed experience" until my eyes landed on the last sentence. If I recalled correctly, my jaw had dropped (like this: O:) and I smiled at the utter lame-ness of it.
The book is actually Chicken Soup for the Soul - High School. That was one of the real-life stories. Mind you, that previous post was scraped out by hands tapping on the keyboard, not simple copy and paste. So if you want to treasure that precious post, you might want to re-read it and this time, taking notes of each word and learning new vocabulary. :D By doing this, you're soothing my heart by telling it that I've not wasted my efforts.

Hmm, I think it has been a long time since I've last posted. Well, maybe not that long but some people have been complaining!
Geography Block Test is over, hip hip hoorayyy! I think this is probably the first blocktest that I've worked and studied repeatedly for. I've practically stuffed all the 6GB of information into my 2GB brain, and surprisingly it could fit.
Perseverance brings you far, that's what I can conclude from all the never stopping, heart aching and brain racking flipping through of pages and rambling of words, tumbling into a beautiful ink fall of scribbles on the test paper.
Come to think of it now, I have not cleared my room table. It now looks like a pig sty, thanks to the numerous paper mountains of Geography notes that the teacher threw on us.

I still have not watched Confessions of a Shopaholic D:
I wanted to watch today, but I would be a loner if I did. And I don't want to watch it with my family 'cos it's a chick flick, and it'll be utterly ridiculous sitting beside my parents and watching Becky kiss Luke.
It just ain't right, and it doesn't fit the citeria of enjoyment. Sorry to say, but that's true.
I'm waiting till the Intergrated Mathematics Blocktest is over, then maybe they'll still have the show.
Otherwise, Eunice & I will rent / buy the disc and we'll both watch. [: ANYONE ELSE WANT TO COME??? You're invited, if you read this!
(Hah, see if you are a loyal reader of my blog, you'll stand a chance to receive fun-filled entertainment!)
(Gosh, I sound like a advertisement! :O)
Alright, I shall stop laming around and spare you guys all the trouble from squirming in you seats and aching for this stoopid post to end.

TATA & THANKS FOR READING ! <333

-xx-

God created today,
we must rejoice and be glad in it.

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Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequitted love.
~ Charlie Brown

From the first moment I met Evan, I knew that he was that special someone. Even if I knew I wouldn't be spending the rest of my life with him, I knew that I absolutely adored him before I even knew his name.
I met him in Drama Club, and I took an immediate liking to him. He wasn't all that handsome, but what I fell in love with was his personality.
I know that you probably think fourteen years old is much too young to claim to be in love, and I agree. However, I could tell that when I met him, I would spend a long time mooning over him. As it turned out, I did.
Mine was the type of crush that would stop me in my tracks when I saw him in the hallways. He would sometimes smile at me, sometimes he wouldn't, but I would still let out a breath that I had been holding in after passing him, and once he was gone I could feel my body stop shaking. It was sickening how completely crazy I was about him, especially since I was a freshman and he was a senior.
As I stated before, I met him in Drama Club. It was my first year and his last, which made things even harder. The first day of Dram Club, I hardly noticed him. It was our first meeting after auditions, and I was nervous, even with my normal friends around me. I saw seniors, and I was extremely and utterly afraid of upperclassmen.
One of our first exercises was to get into groups. I wasn't in a group with any of my friends. Instead, I was stuck with a sophomore and two seniors - one of them was Evan.
I smiled faintly, and we went on with the exercise which we had to say our character name and walk around in a diamond as everyone repeated the name coupled with a dance move. My two-syallable name was perfect for the exercise, and at the end, Evan smiled at me, telling me that I had great rhythm. I grinned back, my voice high: "Th-thanks!"
I knew that there was definitely something about him that I liked. Perhaps it was his constant happiness. Whenever he was with me, he would accompany his "hello" with a smile and a cheerful wave.
Maybe I liked how he brightened the room. He could dance and sing, make anyone tumble with laughter and pull off any joke or stunt or outfit... I absolutely adored him through and through.
In our play, he was the antagonistic character, the Devil. He played the part perfectly, and I would sometimes stand backstage so as to watch his dancing skills as he practiced.
I was fortunate enough that year to find my own skill in dancing, something that caught Evan's eye. The entire Drama Club applauded me with a standing ovation - twice - for my skill, but I would have given it all way just to have him look at me and smile, even faintly. I could tell that he liked me as a friend, at least. Evan would smile, I would melt. He would laugh, I would sigh. The list went on and on.
I suppose at this point, I should move on with my life. All that I have left are the memories and a few weeks until the end of the school year. I have a few pictures of him - a friend from Drama Club took a picture of Evan with his arm around me, wearing my favourite costime of his from the play. I haven't gotten it from her yet, but once I do I will be framing it and putting it next to my bed.
I adore Evan. I really do. I'm a freshman and he's a senior. It's too bad that he's graduating this year. It's too bad that I won't be able to see him for a very long time.
And it's too bad that he's gay.

~ Roxanne Hawthorne

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My thick strands of white hairs are itching to stretch out of its roots.
I can't stop the irresistible yearning to use the Internet, and yet I have no time management. I repeatedly told myself, 30 mins 30 mins, but when I plonk my butt down the stale hard chair, it's like I'm super-glued on it or something, 'cos I can't get it out for at least the next 3 hours.
And at the same time, warning bells are setting off by themselves in my head - I have not started on any homework or studied even a single slide of Geography.
Today's my mum's birthday :D
(I shall give her a birthday dedication l8r)
and so... at lunchtime we're going to go out and behave like monkeys till dawn.
Sat, too.
Now, how the hell am I supposed to complete my studying for Geog + Homework???
I've already planned to study Geog only next week :O , 'cos anyway Geog's on thursday.

OKAY NOW FOR THE DEDICATION!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥

May all your wishes come true :D
Hope that you can be more relaxed & can start on all the aspirations you have of yourself!
May your this birthday be filled with surprises in all shapes & sizes! [:
Oh and puh-lease la, you're not old :D Just one year older.
Thank you, a million ke zillion times, for being such a great mother, being here with a tissue, and bitching about people whom you have never seen before, in the hopes of making me feel better.
Thanks for giving me advice about guys, and telling me which one is the shuai one and letting me know that I have such a horrendous taste.

P.S. YOU'RE NOT FATTT!
You're slim :D

I LOVE YOU LOADSSS!!!
Enjoy your birthday darling! <333333333


Oh, have I said before that my mum comes to my blog sometimes :D
hahaha! so I must say some uhm good stuff about her.
Ohman I gotta go now :D

SEE YA, MUAXXX!
Love & Peace, yo [:

OHWAIT :D
I want to make my goals list!

A1 - Integrated Mathematics
A1 - Physics
A2 - Language Arts
A2 - Geography
A2 - History
A2 - Chinese :O

MY MUM SAYS THAT PER SUBJECT I GET A, I'LL GET 50 BUCKS.
For chinese if I get an A I'll get 100 bucks :D
So if I reach my goals for everything... $350!!! :O
I've already planned on what to buy.
Nat's birthday's coming soon - 15th May!
I'm buying her an Adidas shirt, the one that Eunice & I tried on! :DD
I'm sure she'll love it <33!
SO I MUST WORK HARD! And get $$$ [:
Yeppp.

OKAY BYEE I REALLY GOTTA GOO !
I shall upload the Adidas shirts pictures sometime [:
TOODLES <3!

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When you're unpopular, you become superhuman.
You don't need to hear the whispers and yet are sure that they're bad-mouthing you.
You know how to lip-read and the last stall in the toilet's your favourite hang-out.
You don't need to turn around and yet can count the number of people who're staring at your back.
Maybe being superhuman ain't so good after all.

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I love Jasmine :D
and Jincheng.
Okay the jincheng part was added in just 'cos she would be sad if I didn't write it.
HAHAHA JUST KIDDINGGG!

Jasmine is a crazy deluded person. She normally takes 67 from Nanyang side, but after OM yesterday she went to take with Jincheng & I to Bukit Batok Interchange, on board the 852. After 35 mins she looked out of the window, saw the trees and said, "Hey this reminds me of KAP."
I stared at her and went, "This is KAP."
Her mouth went like this: O: and she exclaimed with a slight disdain of horror, "WE'RE STILL AT KAP?!?!?!?!!?"
So she decided to get out of the stupid bus and cross the bridge to take back to Nanyang again .__.
SHE'S WILLING TO TRAVEL AN ADDITIONAL ONE HOUR JUST TO SPEND 35 MINS WITH JINCHENG & ME!!! (although it's more of me :D)
hah man I envy her. 'cos she wasted 1 hour when she could have spent that on her Chinese SIA + Yuedubaogao which were due TODAY.
Ohgosh.
I hoped she managed to complete it.

PAINTING IS FUNN!
Now Jasmine is my Romeo. [: in the new OM script.
I think right, most of our goals (aka Amanda's, Jasmine's, Samantha's, Jincheng's and mine's) are all to just finish this OM and not embarrass ourselves in front of other schools during the performance. I KNOW IT'S BAD D:
OM IS JUST FOR US TO ENJOY & HAVE FUNN!
Thanks to Jincheng & Jasmine I'm addicted to Chinese songs now.
ESP LIN JUN JIE'S! D:
awwwwwwwwwwwwww shax.
But they're really melodious! Although I have no idea what they're singing about.

-xx-

I never liked people who invaded my privacy. In other words, asking for my results even though I made it fairly obvious that I did not welcome their minds into storing my scores.
Sure, you're curious.
But if I asked you about something that you didn't want to tell me, something personal that you'd rather keep to yourself, would you like it?
Not only did you stop asking at my head shaking, a sign of no, you continued pestering, and made me seem like the bad guy.
Go figure.
I felt like asking you about something that you've been doing to yourself, just to let you have a feel of it, but somehow I held myself back.
I don't want to hurt you, esp in front of people whom you're acting cool for.
But it's time for you to learn, too, to stop being so persistant in knowing the curves and straights of people's lives.

My mask of tolerance is about to slip.
Bernice, exhale, for life is on the margins.

-xx-

I CAN'T WAIT FOR BLOCK TESTS TO BE OVER!!!
I've got a date at K-box :D
(*winks* pokka green tea & jc)
We're booking a sound-proof room, in an effort to help people 'cos I don't think they would like hearing voices like ours :x
I think I might need to buy a mask.
Just in case there are complaints.

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I've realised with an undeniable doubt that I have a level of patience is pretty low.
I flare up within seconds, and my blood boils with every syllable that a person whom I find unbearable spells out.
What is happening to me?

Nanyang is competitive.
That's a stated fact. Even if you strongly object to it, there are many evidences pin-pointed for you, leaving you speechless and unable to argue.
I'm starting to get used to it - the constant exchanging of results, the continuous questions raining on you. You can't not give. Whichever way, you're the loser who falls out in the very end.
People change with time, and with you yourself.
Copycats don't come naturally, they're nurtured. They see a good trait in you, and they eagerly try their utmost best to copy, but hey it ain't that easy. I'm still trying to get used to the saying, "Jealousy is a compliment." Copycats copy you 'cos they're good.
But why hasn't anyone thought of a proverb that explains perfectly why when a copycat succeeds in copying, you're not the one whom people look upon?
Good people, they stay with you till the sky falls down and the rocks cave in. You can tell who are the selfless guys, with one question you'll know, an answer etched in your heart, drawing you inconsiderably to that norm who ain't blinded by the complexity of life.
We all strive for the best, yes we do. But do you do this by snatching and scratching for bits of information, pouring them out by turning your "good friend", a scholar, upside down, and one day when you succeed, while he fails, will you help him in turn?
Or do you say "no time" and carry on like he's someone you just bumped in the wet market when you're bargaining for chicken?

You know the answer. You know the truth that lays at the bottom of your heart, while you're desperately trying to keep it mum. You act, with your flawless words and aching smiles, but an actor is never perfect. There's bound to be a "No, not good. Try again." and the whole scene shoots again. Too bad, na na ni poo poo, there ain't no such thing in life.
One slip, and there you are. Why can't you let people have the good knowledge, must you keep it all to yourself? Are you even sure your brain has sufficent space?
One day, when the omninous shadows of the trees are elongated, I will explode with all that buried confusion and throbbing worries. If you want help, yes I am most willing to offer, but if you want to copy, NO, THANK YOU. That's my hard earned effort, that's my brain cells invisibly hidden in it. There are even people trying to copy my way of posting. Not typing, but posting. They try to post like me - some ridiculous words that I use, the repeated 修辞手法 and my emotionally mood swings.

There are people whom I can entrust my whole life to, but I can count them off my fingers. There used to be countless - even with my toes I couldn't finish.

I miss primary school.

-xx-

I WANT TO WATCH HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU :D
Eunice is going to watch with me!
OOH sweet Eunice said that my posts & wishlist are funnyyy ! <33
That's really nice of her, haha!

Meanwhile, I'm trying to complete and furnish my geog SIA before I go mad and enjoy my holidays.

TA TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DARLINGS!

Oh pleaseee leave a tag, greatly appreciated! :DDDDD

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I feel a sense of unadulterated joy, having completed my Chinese SIA.
Mind you, this piece of work was undoubtedly crafted by my aching hands with throbbing veins, and I bet my brain is distorted while I type this post out, so pardon me if my sentences sound mysteriously horrifying and does not make any sense.

I've been reading this book on Law which I snuck out from my dad's bookshelf, and it's highly entertaining. You get to see the innocence side which unfortunately is being failed to portray by our local newspapers (probably reporters being evil witches?) of criminals who won or lost cases. You get to read their testimonies, through an Ah-Long point of view, or through a wrongfully accused gentleman, whimpering his sob story. I find defense attorneys highly admirable - they defend and win cases in which they find their client horrendously heinous. It's just like supporting a vegetarian rally when you are own a poultry stall in the wet market.
Now that's amusing.

I am going to attempt to finish my history assignment, calligraphy, and studying for my physics quiz with consideration for my Chinese tuition later. In addition, Heart of Greed will be showing in the living room, making it impossible for me to ignore it. My plans for working at night will have to be demolished.

Oh gosh, why the hell am I in such dire straits? I am a student, for goodness' sake. Not a high-flying and almighty Emperor of China.

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MY BLOG IS IN CHINESE :D
I am very cheena, look my chinese so pro!
AND PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO INSULT ME BY SAYING THAT MY NAME IS 伯尼斯.
Thankyou. :D
HERE'S THE LINK!
Credits: Minghui & Google (?)

http://translate.google.com/translate?prev=_t&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&u=http%3A%2F%2Fapathoflove.blogspot.com&sl=en&tl=zh-CN&history_state0=

ENJOY ! <3

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OKAY TIME TO REPLY TAGS :D
Sorry I took very long yes I know :x

minghui[: hahahhah yep the quiz you did was hilarious! :D and highly amusing. undoubtedly unbelievable though :x haha! YOU AH EVERYDAY DON'T WANT TO DO HOMEWORK! actually me too lah :D

Andrea: YEAH! I saw your fb picture and I was like, woahhhhhh is this Andrea :x HAHA! I changed a lot, too. [:

jw: THANKS! Happy belated CNY to you, too :D

JASMINE: Jasmine darling, soorrrryy that I didn't link you. WHAT'S YOUR URL!

YIYUN: HELLO! The converse thing is cool lorh :D got my name and plus I'm labelled "the star".

Rachel t: HELLO! hahahah ohh you have a blog :D so cool! okay I will link you [:

weiyu: hahah yo! :D I want to go to munchkings & queens again! I LOVE THE SOUP LAHHH <333 yep yep I took a lot of pictures with you during LSC whattt.

charmaine: OHGOSH. So many tags :x okay where shall I start... I'M A GOOD FRIEND! That's why I want you to look good with designer earrings [: and it seems that I must buy those really thick ropes. 'cos right, you so strong (learn taekwondo) skali later can break the ropes :O YES! our school everytime want us to donate $ then don't use it to invest on a good sound system ._. hahahha I don't think they will listen, but nonetheless I'll try okay :D 为了你！hahhahah THANKYOU <3! EXCUSE MEE I AM VERY STRONG OKAY! why can't I do taek? I am so tough :O ! hahahhha you belong with me <3333333! BUT NOWWWW "MY LOVE WILL GET YOU HOME" IS SO MUCH MORE MELODIOUS <3!

yuanmei(:: HI DARLING :D

QIANYI: AHAHHAHA YES I KNOW! Thanks for the blingblings on my phone :D

kayla: YES LA SENZA, wo de lian dou bei ni men diu guang le.

clarice: THANK YOU, of coursee my blog is nice :D nanyang's life is like that one, no choice lah D:

yuanmei(:: hahaha but you spoilt it :O but its okay lah :D THE PACT IS DAMN NICEE <33
vanessaaa<3: THANKS FOR TAGGING! :D

jingren: THANKS! oh uhmm your card right... paiseh ahhhhhhhh I shall not explain to you but you'll get it by next week, I promise :D

weiyu: YA LA SOME PEOPLE GO AND MESS UP MY MOOD! of course I'm creative hahah thankyou! <33

j'aime barney (bernice): thank you dearest for loving me but HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU I'M NOT BARNEY .__. YAY now I've got ANOTHER SONG which is also very nice :D soothing to the ears.

vanessaaa<3: YES DANCE ROCKS <333333333333333333333333333

jc: hahah I love you too! and you never dao me la, it's always I dao you one :x

weiyu: WALAO EHH ! hahaa kidding :D hahha ILY too!

[:shichen:]: hahahhah thanks for tagging! of course, visiting my blog brings you unadultered joy, right :D

natalie!: Idk when it's coming to Singapore! D: IT'S SHOWING IN THE US , THOUGH. Maybe it's on its way... OKAY LET'S GO TOGETHERR :D

charmaine: YES! but thank God that now it's fixed :D

weiyu: I NEVER CHANGE LAH! but now it's back to normal :D so happypyyyy!

minghui[: I know! You can always buy me another one :D BUT REALLY GOT ONE VERY NICE OKAYYYYYYYYYY!!! <333 I show you next time [: you'll look even chio-er in it :D hahaha not that you're not chio without it :DD

lesley: THANKS!

yuanmei: JOE JONAS ROCKSSS <3!

weiyu: Joe Jonas is not gay la! he's hot :D tell that to mathea, too :D

clarice: YA LORH! joe jonas is hot lorh D: hahahah paiseh! take so long to reply :x

jermaine: DANCE IS THE LOVEE <33 high five dudette!

natalie!: hahah okay I'll try to write all the details! camp is all that you've mentioned :D mixed feelings, actually! thanks for tagging! <33

weiyu: haha it's okay lah! :D I don't mind [:

minghui[: HAHAHHAH SO AMUSING RIGHT. :D the lunch, I meant. hahahha welcomewelcome! [:

BERNICE TO ALL: I find myself stupid. BUT ANYWAY MY BLOG IS FIXEDD WHOOHOOO~~~!

OHGOSH I'M FINALLY DONE.
better read okay. :D

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Walking my way through the streets,
can't you see the light shining,
spotlight on a fly.
It gets trampled, beaten and eventually dies.
Oh boohoo, the life of a fly.

I'm not being sarcastic. I'm being...tired.
RIDICULOUSLY TIRED.
And I have to waitttttt before I can watch Heart of Greed 'cos my mum came home late today.
URGH!
I have nothing better to do than to sit here and think widly about how messed up my life is.
Sometimes I wonder, how long is it going to take before everything starts crumbling down, revealing an opening that we've never ceased to discover.

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You left my heart palpitating, thumping at alarming rates.
Your words seemed so gentle, but yet they're like thunderstorms, raining torrents on me while I etched each word and engraved it into my mind.
I dreamt of fairytales --- knights and castles; princesses flopping down their endless trail of hair; true love's kiss... And your one powerful word tangled my dreams, popping it like a prick in a balloon, leaving me to smile in shame, wondering why I even dreamt in the very beginning.
I want you to say you've made a mistake, that you're sorry, and you didn't mean your words at all. I'm here; arms wide, ready to embrace your misinterpretations, hoping against hope that you're on your way.
That I'm not a princess this aint a fairytale
I'm not the one to swept off her feetlead her up the stairwell
This isn't Hollywood this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went let me down
Now its too late for you and your white horse to come around
- White Horse (Taylor Swift)

-xx-

CAMP WAS FUNNNNNNNNN :D
We had loads of slack time, gossips were flung everywhere, words tumbled out from many people jumbling up into a crinkled smile bonding us as one. Laughter was strewn along with our towels and at the same time...there was this hard, cold-stricken floor that is decorated with strands of hair, making it disgustingly difficult to sleep comfortably.
This year 209 seems bonded, and I'll upload pictures another time.
Plus, thanks minggy & jincheng for the wonderful lunch *winks & grins*

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